a girl has to do what a girl has to do, being alone.

it's been a while since I'm not writing..
no it's not a while lenn! it's been four frikkin months you didn't touch this site!
Yeah i know, udah lama nggak bercerita-cerita di sini. That's why today i decide to write again.

You know, my life has been a mess. How come? Karena kerjaan gue yang ternyata menyita lebih dari 3/4 energi hidup, karena skripsi yang mengharuskan gue bayar 1 semester lagi (another 3,5 million), karena kondisi 'rumah' yang nggak begitu nyaman, kaerna bokap gue sakit dan karena karena lainnya.

As an adult, gue harusnya bisa membagi pikiran dan tenaga gue ke semua permasalahan yang menuntut perhatian ini. Gue harusnya punya management skill yang bagus sehingga nggak merasa hidup gue pelan-pelan menyedot habis semua alasan untuk ketawa, or just simply smilling. Yes, sumtimes i don't even know how to smile. Tiap hari rasanya gue cuma mau di rumah. Ngumpet dengan nyaman di balik selimut, ngurus bokap, jagain adek gue and then go sleeping at the end of the day. I wanna be alone. I just wanna be with myself. Period.

"Egois", memang
"Aneh", udah keliatan
"Freak", mungkin menuju kesana

"Kok lo nggak pernah keliatan sedih lenn?", a friend ask me. "Hah? masa sih? emang iya?", gue nggak tau harus jawab apa. I'm just not that person that easily share my things with others. (lebih mudah berpura-pura senang daripada harus cerita masalah yang benar-benar lagi dihadapi).Dan lebih mudah buat gue untuk menulis. Just by writing this things gue udah merasa membagi ini ke semua sahabat. Terserah deh orang mau baca atau nggak. Terserah juga orang mau mikir apa soal gue. Right now, i only thinking about me. About my family. About making my mum smile to the fullest. About taking care of my dad sampai beliau benar-benar sehat. About finishing my thesis. About myself and making my life meaningful for my family.
The other things can wait.
And if they don't wait and leave,
They just not for me.

Satu lagi,
I will write.
Constantly, i hope.
Just to make sure that i have a getaway.
Just to make sure that i'm alive.
so i'll write.

Over and out guys!
Have a nice life!